St Valentine Evensong
By Mark Oakley, Sunday 17th February, 2008
I don´t know whether any of you saw the lovely story in the news from the UK in mid January this year that a man called Eric King-Turner, aged 102, set sail to go and live in New Zealand to ”start a new life”. He is Britain´s oldest emigrant. And why? Because Doris his wife, originally from NZ, was feeling homesick and they felt that they should make the move. There is obviously something very young in their hearts still, still able to go on adventures and still able to make sacrifices and be flexible because of their love. It reminded me of a penioner in my first parish who tapping at his grey hair said to me; ”just because there is snow on the roof doesn´t mean the fire has gone out!” What struck me about the story of Eric and Doris is that they were obviously still travelling together, and that their love was being translated not by romance but by practical decisions, accommodation, flexibility. Those o fus who went to see the Kite Runner this week saw an Afghan wedding where the mirror was brought and placed before the young couple in the middle of the ceremonies. What do you see? asks the woman. The rest of my life, replies the man.
We saw the film on St Valentine´s day. We don´t know much about St Valentine except that he is one of several early martyrs killed in Rome for their Christian faith and that he was buried on the Via Flaminia, north of the city, on 14 February. It wasn´t until 496 that the Pope named a day for his memory and even then he didn´t tell us much more about him. Some old traditions, however, say that he was a priest or bishop and by 1260 one of the most read books of the High Middle Ages, the Golden Legend, says that Emperor Claudius had commanded Valentine in the year 280 to deny Christ before him. Valentine refused and so Claudius had him beheaded but before this happened Valentine restored the sight of his jailer´s daughter. Later additions to this story says that it was when the daughter opened a letter from Valentine that her sight came back and she was able to read ”from your Valentine” written at the bottom. Children missed him whilst he was in prison and pushed flowers through the bars of his window to cheer him up.
Another old tradition says that the Emperor was finding it difficult to get men to sign up to the army because nobody wanted to leave their wives and so he banned engagements and weddings. The priest Valentine defied this by secretly marrying people. When he was discovered he was murdered.
The English writer Geoffrey Chaucer based one of his works around the popular belief that around the feast of Valentine the birds choose their mates. Well, this church has celebrated many birds who have chosen their mates and it is good to have some of you here today celebrating this rather unknown early martyr Valentine. And we do so to say that we continue to remember you in our prayers because your journey was launched here and we know there can be stormy weather from time to time and so we remember you and hope that in some small way being here tonight might help you renew those vows you spoke to each other.
I take you, to have and to hold from this day forward, (not grip, not let go: have and hold)
For better, for worse, (whatever comes our way)
For richer, for poorer, (money helps but it isn´t who we are, we´ll still love even if we lose everything)
In sickness and in health, (I´ll be there when you need me, even if it means me giving up my freedom, I´ll be there)
To love and to cherish, (constantly, fresh every day if I can)
Till death us do part. (I don´t want to think about it, but it will happen, but I´ll know you were mine and I was yours and that memory will keep me going)
All that I am I give to you,
All that I have I share with you (what more can I say but that?)
This is love, not romance, practical, brave, patient. I also believe that something of God is reflected in such promises, something of God blesses you as you make them.
But what is also true is that when a human person speaks these vows and lives such vows with a partner, they reflect God´s being. For his love also promises us to be there for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death and beyond. All that he is he shares with us.
And those who travel through life without a partner, who do not feel drawn to partnership or who for whatever reason have not met the person, learn to love too in similar ways, loving people, often friends and family in committed and sacrificial ways. I have always disliked the term family service because every service is the place where we all, whether single, married, divorced or bereaved, come together and make up the family we are as a church. And it is the place where we all come to learn the lessons of love that Christ taught.
That letter of St John read just now warns us all of the dangers of our Christian calling – the dangers of hypocrisy in speaking, preaching, singing and praying about love and then being unable to do it at the end of it. You know that a popular reading at weddings is 1 Corinthians 13 when Paul tells us what love is – patient, kind, never boastful nor rude. The way to check how you are doing as a Christian is to place I in the reading instead of love: I am patient, I am kind, I envy no one, I am never rude, I am never puffed up or arrogant. I never insist on my won way, never rejoice in wrongdoing, never irritable, never resentful. Hmmm….as I said this morning, it took God seven days to make heaven and earth but he´s still working on me!
The love that Valentine showed was not romantic but a love in conviction, will power and courage, his life changed and ended because of it. Love of God and love of people, whoever they are. If we could reclaim Valentine´s love, taking it way from cooing doves and podgy cherubs on cards, and bringing it down to earth as that letter of St Paul does and as those marriage vows do too, then we would know why it is important to celebrate his memory.
